Finally
I'm taking a break
Thanksgiving is such a tease.
I mean four days of rest and hanging out with my family (man, I haven't played basketball in so very long!)
then school hits again.

but that is where I have been recently. Working on my stacks of papers and homework that I need to get done in one week before finals hit. But with one horrendous paper out of the way (and believe me, THIS was bad), and two more long and two more short papers on the horizon. I needed to take a break. All the stress was physically manifesting itself this week, causing me to either get mirgrains or other ways. Money is an issue this holiday season, since I have to save up to get presents for people. but soon it will be over.

I just need to take it a little bit at a time
lets see, interesting stuff that is going on next week
gotta work at "The Life and Death of Marilyn Monroe"- its a cool play, a little confusing and not realistic, but cool.
eight marilyns walking around on stage... warning for nudity, foul laungage, and sexual content.

I have to play a crazy lady who talks to birds in my english class, but the directing class is where the real fun begins.

my directing final:
aside from the actual written final, the 10-15 pg paper, two 3-5 page critiques
I get to direct my scene, and act in 3 others.

my scene: baby with the bathwater by Christopher Durang- a couple has a baby together, but are too embarrassed to check its gender... so they raise it to be what they wanted, a girl named Daisy... too bad Daisy is a boy!

Jeff's scene: here I play a repressed housewife in the depression, who gets fed up with her husband and finally lets loose.

Melinda's scene: I play Glenna, a waitress who just slept with Edmond, some customer in her resturant. The scene is the following morning, when he and I are talking, I freak out, start screaming stuff like "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" then gets stabbed and dies.

Sarah's scene: I play a harried nurse who has been serving a famous radio announce for a few months, and I am sick of the treatment that they give me. In this scene, I open the front door... get slung over the shoulder of Elias (you know- caveman style), who I don't know in the scene, get dropped onto Drew, who is in a wheelchair, picked back up, slapped on the ass, and then exit! Good thing Elais and Drew are both cute.

fun huh?
believe or not... its true

School Sucks, you know that
you spend all this time getting excited for Thanksgiving break right? Finally a light at the end of the tunnel, filled with turkey, ham, and the oh-so-delicious- still shaped like a can- jellied cranberry sauce!
But what happens when you drag that a few pounds heavier, and a few inches wider self back to school? DAMN now you only have two more weeks of school and then finals. This entails papers upon papers, those last minute midterms, and you know the ACTUAL FINALS. I just want to sleep in my bed, with the electric blanket (since the heater is busted) and stay there till christmas...

see you then!
HAHAHAHA

being in a quater system sucks...
everytime I turn around there is another paper, or another midterm, or something else I have to do...


grrr.... argh

you know what?

I'm Tired

not just sleepy tired
I'm tired of everything... but you see, its not very good, I tend to go to bad places when I feel this way. Its like the point beyond emotion. When you are so sick and tired of everything around you that you really just don't care. You can't bring yourself to care about anything. Not school, not friends, not even really family. I sleep so much, and those of you who live with me know, simply because I feel no reason to get up. I get up now becuase of obligation, for work, for class, whatever.
I see people around me, fucking things up, thinking they are the shit, even when they are wrong and refuse to admit it. But, I know that no one listens, so what is the point of talking anymore. I stay for the people I care about. But the people I care about are starting to pull away also. I used to pride myself on being someone that anyone could talk to, no matter what. But now I feel like no one wants to talk to me. I've lost balance.(and being a libra, its very important to me), Either I'm an insane little ball of energy running up and down the halls, or I lock myself in my room, in the dark. But its hard to let go. I wish I had more people to talk to. I hate to burden people with my problems. Its just that people I attempt to make connections with don't stay. Or I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. I amuse them for a while, but when glimpses of the real me come out, they don't want to talk to me.

Or as I find out alot... they prefer someone else.

I was good for the moment, but now there is someone better. Someone I could never compare to. I hear of personal conversations with others that I used to be a part of, but not anymore. Someone else fits the description now. Once someone told me that she didn't want to ruin the image I had of her in my head. That if she told me what she did, or what she was thinking, then I would treat her differently. I told her I wouldn't, that I understand that everyone is human and that I just want people to be happy, but she never told me. And then she found someone who she thought was "better" than me.- ignored me, treated me like shit, forgets me, stands me up when we were scheduled to go out, and the person who is "better" - treats her like shit, calls her a names, is rude, possesive, hated me for attempting to be her friend. Still, she who "would always be there for me" forgets my birthday, *like every year*, attempts to talk to me but just talks about herself or asks for something, but I digress.
I am tired of being treated like shit.
I am tired of being taken for granted.
I am tired of just being used for what I can do, or what I can give you.
I am tired of pretending I'm happy when I'm not.
I am tired of dealing with self-centered people.
I am tired of being loney
Sometimes I feel like crying, but can't bring in the emotion to do so
I do not want to go to that bad place.
I do not want to have to bring the medical tape again
I do not even want to think about that medical tape anymore... and my mind still runs towards it
( I know that you may not know what this means, but umm... nevermind, or ask me)

Just once, I want to feel like people actually care about me, and what I am doing. Like I made their day by being there. I know that there are a few who do (like boo), and I love them very much, but they have their own problems to deal with too. I just want the people who treat me like shit to realize that I do have feelings, and that I do care, and that even the little things affect me. That I am real, not some little toy that you can put on the shelf when you don't need it at the moment.
So I pose the question again.
who am I to you?
I don't even know who I am to me anymore

-posting to procrastinate studying for a midterm-

Am I too freaky for my own good?

Recently, it has come to my attention, that I have supassed the extent of my weirdness. I have now become the person that you are wary of sitting next to on the bus. Since its winter, my clothes then to be of a darker color and I wear many layers to keep warm. Plus, my hair is VERY VERY Blue. Why? just 'cause I felt like it.
But that isn't the end of it. How many people have seen me on a dance floor? Come'on raise your hands. I know that theres alot. You also know that I don't need alcohol to loosen me us, you just need to play the right music to get me going. Plus, being in Close family, and being comfortable with those I am dancing with add to it. I lose all inhibitions, and I just have fun you know.
Yet at a party at Sectionals, Anita comes up to me a says "Sam, I never knew you were this freaky!"
then I starting thinking, it this what I am to Section 1. "Ray's freaky sister"? Did I actually become Dylan (Drew Barrymore's character from Charlie's angels- you know how freaky she got)
but you know what? who cares! I just want to have fun. Let me, and don't assume anything past that. 'cause if someone gets all touchy-feely on me, and I don't like it, I will give no hesitiation of beatin' your ass down... (man, can you tell I spent the weekend in LA?)

so what... if I held someone against the wall
Sue me...
or get in Line

blogger being funky
but here is the game
its a good way to release aggression
try to break 200mph
some friends broke 1000mph

Some of my friends broke 1000 on this

Weirdness....
a bunch of stuff happens that I want to blog about and then I forget

but here we go


Sunday, pre-pledge meeting.
This past sunday many of the active and a few of the pledges dressed up in celebration of Halloween for the meeting. Well, my Big Bro Lily went to Hot Topic, bought a black medieval dress (like the one I am wearing Here - just in black- I think I look fat in this pic too) "http://www.geocities.com/the_ger_in_booger/pics/knight.jpg" geocities is a pain and won't link. but n-e ways, she's got a black gothic dress on, blue lipstick, blue hair, just a wild and crazy hairdo, black nails, pale makeup, and just overall looking very freaky
she comes into my room to ask me a question
the doorbell rings
Who of ALL people do you think is at the door?
come on...


guess...


after never seeing them on my doorstep in all my 20 years...


just when you least expect it...


MORMONS!!!!

oh yeah, and Lily looking like she just left a circle of Vampires opening the door! The next thing I know, Lily runs back into my room telling me that there are priests at the door, and she is doing her best not to bust out laughing. Of course... as Lily is all in black, I am all in white.. with wings and all. And wouldn't that have added to the missionaries day? First a Goth woman, and then an angel coming from the same house? Well, eventually we sent my brother Will to take care of them (they asked stuff like what our priest name was and junk) and eventaully left.... me and Lily still cracking up in my room