"I'm nothing special,
in fact, I'm a bit of a bore"
The summer is now almost over for me. Its provided me with lots of changes in my life. I've had to learn to let go of alot of people, and thus finding myself alone alot. Funds have not been as plentiful as well, so I tend to stay home, with my dog for company most of the time. But I'm ok with this. And I started this post not thinking about this.
The opening quote is from and ABBA song. I didn't know that until I watched Mama Mia a few years ago. I used to sing this song with my family when we were children. I always related to this song, I've enjoyed singing, and really only felt confident in myself when I was singing. Eventually it became performing, to a point that I only felt confident when I was pretending to be someone else.
As I got older, things got better. I came into my own in college, and became a person I liked. There was always the lingering of the self-doubt though. Always playing it close to the chest and only letting people see certain sides of me.
I've encounted a slight problem though. I'm okay with myself. But every once in a while I meet someone that turns my back to who I used to be. I'm sure its never on purpose, and most of the time I'm able to extract myself from situations where I would have to hang out with people that make me feel that way. But in the end, this is just me running away. A friend of a good friend of mine makes me feel bad about myself. This person has never done anything mean to me, or anything like that. There is just something in the personality that makes me feel inferior. Like I'll never be on the same playing ground. Sometimes, like I can't even look at the same playing ground.
I know its crazy, and stupid, but its how I feel. Simply uncomfortable in this person's presence. I don't know where to go from there, and as far as I can see this person will not be going away any time soon.
this sucks
Labels: life lessons
