Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Ah, me..."

The phone rang and rang though the silver bluetooth perched in her left ear, allowing for safety and ease on the road. Upon hearing the tell-tell half then full ring signaling voicemail was once more about to pick up, she pushed the tiny blinking button on her ear, silencing the recording before it could begin. With a small sigh of discontentment, she turned up the radio and pushed some buttons to fill the silence of the car on her short trek to work.

Extending her right upper limb she reached into the crinkly plastic bag on the passenger's seat to remove a freshly made french fry from the depths within. The nerve endings of her fingertips warning of the extreme temperature of the morsel, she gently placed the fry between her teeth and slowly bit down, to manage keep from burning her lips. As the potato quickly cooled, she finished it off with a drink of the Dr. Pepper from the paper cup beside her. Looking forlornly at the soft drink she bemoaned the calorie content, but knew that she would need the caffeine and the sugar to get through the rest of the day.

It had been a rough night for sleeping, though this affliction was common for her. It was as if her body knew the long and unavoidable day ahead, and wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. No yawns, no eye rubbing, no physical signs of fatigue plagued her through the night. Not even the recurrent worries and ideas running through her mind like wayward cats playing with toys allowed her the normalcy of a night of insomnia. Simply laying there, in the dark, in the wee hours of the morning with dawn approaching faster than required nor asked for. It was these nights, which were thankfully rare, which were the worst for sleeping.

The day started strange, with some unknown alarm awakening her an hour earlier than needed, and perhaps less than 2 hours into the light sleep her body finally allowed her to achieve. No indicator could explain the reason for being roused from sleep, her canine protector slept soundly in his bed on the floor, and the rest of the house was silent. Cursing the fates, for perhaps it was them playing with her, she rolled away from the sunlight streaming through the curtains covering the eastern window and tried to slip back into dreamland. The real alarm went off much too quickly for her liking, and as per usual her hand reached above her head to slap blindly at the headboard in search of the elusive snooze button. Upon finding it, the arm retreated back into the warm cocoon of blankets, and dreams were attempted to be found once more. This cycle repeated every 9 minutes, until reality sunk its claws into her brain and realizing she would be late for work if she didn't rise right at the moment.


To be Continued... (maybe, depends on my mood mostly)

Monday, April 12, 2010

I thought I was in Hawaii but I woke up in Cerritos...



It felt pretty real. Not so real that when I emerged from dreamland and back to reality the stark contrasts of setting shocked me, but real enough that my waking realizations came with a that twinge of sadness that comes with all of life's small disappointments. You know the ones, the sting when you realize you missed the mailman and now you have to stop by the post office before work, or when the milk as gone bad and you really wanted that bowl of Cap't Crunch. Or I guess, more precisely, the feeling you get when you finish scratching a losing Lotto scratcher. You know the chances winning are minuscule but you still have a little hope, which is dashed the moment you swipe your coin across the card and you see a 10 when all you wanted was a 25.

So as I awoke, allowing the remaining remnants of the dream to recess into the corners of my brain with a sigh of regret, similar to the ones I give as I finish scratching the remainder of that losing lotto ticket, I tried to piece together my day. But I couldn't because all I could wonder at was that dream.

I haven't thought of Hawaii in months, maybe its a sign that I need a vacation. But life right now is in such a flux that I need to move on, or be stuck in this place forever. But moving on seems to always pushed to the side by the rigors of day to day life.

And the dream, it was so detailed in its minutiae that an actual relaxing portion never occured by the time I awoke. The dream had the trip to LAX, the plane ride, the shuttle to the hotel, etc... Then back to the airport for island hoping to Maui, and then I woke up. Not even in my dreams to I get the chance to relax and de-stress.

It's odd. In writing the above paragraph I feel like I'm complaining about my lack of time or stress. But as I got up and started my day, I wasn't filled with regret or anything, simply acknowledging the dream and moving on. I wouldn't even say it was a good dream that I wanted to return to, it simply was there.

I was more impressed by the fact that when I woke up it took me a little bit to figure out where I was. But in the end if I was dreaming, that means I was sleeping well, and that is something I will always be greatful for.

Back to work again,
it did feel nice to be able to write something out again. Even if it didn't lead to anywhere...

Been a while right?

lets see if I can make bring this blog back to life, regain some writing skilled, and actually produce something (no necessarily worthwhile, but benficial to me)