14 hours to launch...

I've always known...
even after all these years,
that I wasn't the one you loved the most.
but even if I've always known,
why does it still hurt?



I wonder what it would feel like, to be the most important person in someone else's life? I've never been first. 3rd born, 21st cousin born, even my first and last name are at the lower end of the alphabet.

Not that I don't feel like I am important in some people's lives. But I have the feeling that I am just biding my time until someone better comes along. I'm the stuffed animal you keep until you grow too old or have someone to hold.

but here I am, fighting battles I know I cannot win, simply because I refuse to relent. In the end I know that it will not be me you choose, but I stay around to feel like I am still in the running. Maybe just so that I won't be forgotten. Maybe so I feel like I'm worth something.