Its past 2am again

October 10, exactly one week till my birthday
It's weird, like I'm looking forward to it, and I'm not at the same time.
Like it will be fun, but... here let me break it down

I decided this year I was going to head home for the weekend, and go to Disneyland on my birthday.
so I got my brothers to take off work, as well as my cousin. and everyone who wants to go and buy a ticket is welcome to join the party, but its APO regionals, so we shall see where it take us.

but when I told me mom I was coming home, she was happy, but a few days later I got this message
"so when you are down here are you going to have time to spend with us?"
"becuase your father wants to know if he should come home (FYI, he's away on business) becuase if you aren't going to be with us, then he will just stay there."

It felt so... so... I don't know
I mean I'm no stranger to no having my father with me on my birthday, he may have been there for the day I was born, but he was always on work trips and stuff while I was growing up. I'm not upset or bitter about it, it was just how life was back then.

but now, when I was talking to my mom, she made it sound so forced. This is the first birthday in 4 years I am going to be at home, and her tone of voice just was like I was the biggest burden of the month. Like me coming home was an incovienence to their plans.

whatever

I just need to go somewhere

7 days to go