Decemeber 29, 2002 (at least it is when I started this)

thus the last post of the year, since I know that I will not post again before new years.

lots has happened in the past few weeks
Came back to Cerritos, its hard to call it home anymore. I find myself calling Davis home more often, but still I'm a little lost.

first and foremost, to my family and friends, I'm sorry.
I really haven't been "here" lately,
wrapped up in my own ball of conflicting emotions to grasp the situations around me.

Something is coming

I don't know why I wrote that. But I feel it, and I don't know what "it" is. We stand on the end of a new year. Lets see where it takes us. At times I find myself standing alone in a room only to realize I blacked out for quite a bit of time (like 10-15 minutes). Even now, I don't really know what I am going to type next.

lets get back to the simple stuff:

Being home: I constantly get questions about what I am going to do after I finish, and I've never been able to answer it correctly. I just want to see where I will be in six months. Plus being in a house that used to be a home, but no longer so. I was upset when I came home to find that my room was once again filled with stuff. When they remodeled parts of the house, my family packed everything away in boxes and put it in my room (which is super tiny in the first place) so much that I could open the door, and that was about it.
So i spent the whole summer clearing out the room of all the stuff, only to come home and find it filled again.
I had to share a room with my cousin Mila. Whom I adore, but you know, sometimes you just need a place of your own. Its bad enough that I'm living out of suitcases for 3 weeks, but to not even have a real space to call your own really sucks. Then just being home I was doing chores like I never left, cleaning up messes I never made, and cooking dinner because no one else would.
Ray even commented at one point "you finished talking to all the mice Cinderella?" 'cause its true.

so again I'm sorry- When people call I'm doing stuff around the house or just too tired to talk. But luv u Boo!



oops getting kicked off. Time to go. be back soon