Tell me...

How am I supposed to find someone to love, when the one who is supposed to love me unconditionally tells me my love isn't good enough? That I'm not good enough?
How am I supposed to trust, when the ones who would "always be there for me" only care for themselves? Or just leave me behind for his/her next person he/she would be there for?
How was I supposed to gain pride as a child when I was only told me faults? Or told how I would be traded in for a better sister or daughter? That I was not as good as the pretty girl in my class, or the little girl down the street?
Why does it seem that its always me that has to forgive the wrongs done against me? To have to apologize for the emotions that I feel? Never being allowed to be angry or hurt. Always having to be the happy strong one who never lets anything get her down. The pain I feel apparently means nothing in the long run. And I've felt it for so long I think God has even abandoned me.
Why did I give up the people whom I believe really do love me, for those who are suppose to love, only to get pain in return?
I cannot find joy anymore. Because I not only hold on to my own pain, but yours as well. I am strong. I was there to hold you, to dry your tears, when you told me of the horrible atrocities done to you. Or you, I held your hand at the funeral for a friend who left us far to early and even more confused- all the while my own pain raging inside. Or you, when you told me of your heartbreak at the hands of another when I was screaming inside that it was I that loved you. Or you, when I hid the disrespect done to me by those you held dear, because I cared for you too much to see you unhappy. How about you, the one who was supposed to walk this world side by side, we couldn't fix it, but at least we could share the pain and hurt, You found others to walk down the path of life with. And I am glad for that, I just wish the promises you make would also be the promises you keep. And you, the one who was supposed to show me the right way to live my life, to protect me from those who hurt me, I never said anything as you fell from grace in my eyes, you no longer needed me for anything, you didn't even acknowledge the things I still did for you. So as you didn't want me anymore, nor did I need you anymore.
I am strong. That is the way I was brought up, the only way I know how to be. I just wish, I could allow myself to be weak.